On Wednesday October 19th, 2012 my husband was diagnosed with a very aggressive acute myeloid leukaemia. The doctor explained that it was progressing rapidly, as the white blood cells were taking over his body. He told me there was no cure, only treatment. My question to the doctor was “doctor how long does he have to live?” his response was “if he is lucky he has one week”. Once I heard this the first thing that came to my mind is I need to get my children (two boys; ages ten and seventeen) to come to Kingston ASAP!
That night at the hospital I realized my husband was dying. I could feel it in my heart, I sensed it.As I drove home alone to my sister’s where I was staying. I tightly held onto the steering gripping it tighter and tighter as I drove. I screamed, I cried helplessly and I prayed to God and begged him to please grant me one wish; please allow my children to come and see their father, and him to see them. At this moment in my life I realised that time and family were important and I just wanted them to be together.
They saw their dad on the following Thursday morning. On Friday morning at the hospital my heart kept on telling me, despite being advised not to tell my boys that their father was dying. When I told them tears came and they cried. The older one went for a walk outside the building, while the younger one was still crying. I held him as my heart sunk and told him that I understood he was sad because his father is leaving; but also told him that “can you imagine how daddy must feel if we feel this way, because he knows he is leaving us”. I urged him to be strong for his dad because he needs us now more than ever.
I told him to go to his bedside; hug him, tell him you love him, or if you feel like saying nothing at all, no problem, God will guide you. Both my sons made their peace and told him they loved him. My husband was also able to bond with them.
The following morning I walked into his hospital room and found him dead.. at that moment I hugged him, told him I love him and cried unconditionally when my sons arrived I prayed over his body. I thanked God for giving me the opportunity to share his life with him. I thanked God for allowing me to have borne the seeds of my husband and blessing us with his two boys. I promised him that I will continue to make him proud of them and to bring them up the right way.
After my prayers my youngest son said “daddy your mission is over”. During that moment in the hospital room I knew my husband’s spirit was present. I felt at ease and at peace as this was our thanksgiving service, and I knew he was comfortable.
Throughout this short and sad time the words of Dushyant Savadia kept on ringing in my ears “do not live in the past as it only brings sorrow and regret. Do not live in the future as it brings fear and anxiety”. Live in the present. I kept on hearing him snapping his fingers and saying “live in the present.” His CD ‘Pure Calling’ also helped me to keep calm and peace in my soul.’
I am so grateful that my husband and I participated in the ‘Art of Living’ breathing techniques course four months before. I am a strong and practical individual, but this ‘AOL’ course helped to strengthen me even more when I needed it most. I encourage those who have participated in the ‘AOL’ course to continue to and to encourage others to do so.
I hope sharing my experience will help others. Strength is what is needed in these times, not weakness.
Michele Hylton, Jamaica, October 2012