Have you ever wondered why people share their problems, sorrows, challenges, flaws, lacks and deprivation? What is the need to share when the consciousness has all the knowledge, answers and the ability to fix things? Lately, I am realizing that we find solace and peace by being vulnerable around people. But our vulnerability takes away our strength, gives the other person the authority over our life and creates a dependency on others. This becomes a habit, which makes the telecom companies richer. Interestingly, others are saying things about us that we already know but have not reflected upon.
Yet, by being vulnerable around people brings a sense of closeness and comfort within relationships, whether it’s a friend, an acquaintance or a family member. I had this question for a while – whether to be vulnerable, transparent and share my life with all its flaws, mistakes and learnings with people or be mysterious, elusive and reserved about my life?
I remained vulnerable for a while as an experience – being extremely open and shared without any censors thinking that people will only see the good intention and learning and feel privileged with that transparency and trust. In the long term, it backfires. We tend to trust people with a lot of information without realizing that they may not be ready to digest that information or not ready to be trusted. This is where we expose ourselves and become a subject of gossip. The root cause of it is just our vulnerability and need of attention. As much as vulnerability and sharing brings comfort and closeness at that moment, it puts us at risk to be judged and criticized later, if the relationship with that person happens to change or they start taking you for granted.
The Art of Sharing:
- Share without being vulnerable or exposing.
- Share only the learning and not the process of learning.
- Share when you know you can trust the person.
- Share without losing your integrity and reverence of other people.
- Share only that can be uplifting and inspirational to others.
- Share that which brings harmony and not doubts and confusion.
- Share without your likes and dislikes and opinions of what is right.
- Share that which is truth without the exaggeration.
- Share without ego and self-importance.
- Share without rattling the minds of others.
- Share to create love and compassion.
- Share with dispassion.
What do we really share? We share only our past that is already dead or we share our future that is unborn. When our sharing has flavors of regret, resentment, guilt, anger and frustrations about people or situations, it creates more stress for us and others. Sharing this is not going to change what IS unless there is something that can be changed by sharing. Sharing with negative emotions is like putting your hand in the dustbin! The more you stir the garbage, the more it stinks unless it is of spiritual importance.
To me with all these experiences of sharing and being vulnerable with people have only led me to understand that almost always sharing is only about seeking attention/appreciation/recognition and praises from others. The feeling of inadequateness and the feeling of deprivation lead to become vulnerable around people. And we say and do things to encourage others to make us feel special and good about us. This is where the lack of wisdom reflects. If we don’t feel good about ourselves, or feel abundance or feel beautiful inside, no one else can make us feel that way. The only place one can be vulnerable and yet be free from stress of judgment or loosing respect is either with family, Guru (Enlightened Being) or in meditation, all other relationships are uncertain and could be volatile.
If you want to grow, let go,
If you want to let go, share,
If you want to share, be aware
If you want to be aware, meditate!
By: Dushyant Savadia